the secrets to a happy marriage

Today marks 8 months of marriage for my husband and I. It doesn't seem real that time has gone that quickly. My brother got engaged in June, and will be married in November (just like us!) and it reminded me of how fast those 4 months flew by. The next 4 months will be no exception, and, just like that… our first year will be behind us. 

As I was pondering this, I stopped to read a list that we have framed on our wall. The list is from Clay's grandpa and was a wedding present for us. Every time I read it, I love and cherish it even more. So much so, that I decided to share it with you all. Sometimes the best advice is the the most simple advice… and from your grandpa. 

*copied as written 

Some Advice From experience. About marriage. 

1. The whole thing is based on trust. It's the cement that holds a marriage together. 

2. Marriage is not a "me thing it's a we thing!"Always, always consider each others perception. 

3. As the years fly by don't get so lost in the work a day mundane activities of daily life to keep your love fresh and alive. 

4. It's terribly important, as you grow older, to continually tell each other how much you love each other, need each other, appreciate each other. 

5. When you run into a rough patch, and you will, reflect back on what and why you fell with each other at the start. 

6. Always be able to honestly say "I'm sorry."

7. Communicate. Talk to each other and listen to each others concerns. Remember this is a partnership. 

8. Don't take marriage for granted. It's a living, breathing thing. It's like a garden, it needs maintenance. It has to be fertilized, weeded, watered, nourished in order to grow and thrive. Otherwise, it will die. 

9. Trust me, if you follow these instructions, your love for one another will grow deeper and deeper as the years go by. 

10. Finally, refer to this list as often as necessary. 

I hope that in 50 years we can pass on what we have learned about marriage. Something tells me that this list will be true, even then. 

Clay's grandma and grandpa 

Quality Time

Happy Thursday! Time seems to be moving along very slowly this week. It could have something to do  with the 90 degrees and above daily temps... but who knows. This heat and humidity seems a little intense for early June in Nebraska... and I think we are all hoping this isn't an indicator of the whole Summer!

 

But anyways.

 

If you are a Sweet & Modern reader, you have probably inferred that my husband (Clay) and I work different hours of the day, and we also have different days of the week off. This can sometimes be extremely tricky for figuring out how to spend time together. And not just time, but quality time!

 

I'm not an expert, but I will say that any relationship that is important to you must be a priority. Obviously. Life gets busy, there are one million time constraints, commitments, and of course all of the other family and friends that you want to stay in contact with. We knew, going into our marriage, that we were going to have to put up a little bit of a fight, and also be a bit selfish, with what little time we do get together.

 

During our engagement, someone told me that I will have to make the time I get with Clay of utmost importance, because no one else will.  I thought that was interesting, and to be honest, I wasn't all that concerned about it. Because of course I would make time for my husband! He is my best friend, and there aren't too many activities that I would prefer to do with anyone else!

 

But now, I sort of get the concept. While friends and family may care about me,  and even us as a couple, they aren't necessarily aware of how their demands on our time take away from couple time. And even personally, I think we have both had to really rearrange our personal needs to make sure those days are open, and we can be available to each other when time allows.

 

So... all of this to say... spending time together is amazing. Sundays are my favorite day of the week because we both currently have this day completely off from work. So that means that 5 days of the week (discounting Monday evening) we have about an hour to spend together. And that's just if I can stay awake that late! :)

 

About two months ago, I stumbled on the Q & A a Day Journal for couples. I've always been a journal-er and I immediately ordered it to see what it was all about.

 

 

A little bit about the book: It is a 3 year journal. Each page/day has 3 different year spots, and two spots (one for each person) to journal " a line" (or a word, sometimes!) for that day. There is also a question for each day for us to answer according to how we feel during that time of our life. Some of the questions are funny, some are serious, some are random (what did you wear to bed yesterday?), and some are actually quite thought provoking.

 

You guys, we have actually had a LOT of fun doing this! Sometimes when Clay rolls in from work around 11:00 at night, both of our brains are SPENT. On a great night, we both have a ton of energy and can stay up late and enjoy a few good hours together. But on a typical night, we ask how our day went and try to sneak in a show...and fall asleep on the couch.

 

The Q & A journal has been a fun, quick way to add a little more dimension to that small chunk of time we have at night. Instead of just asking how our day was, we can actually learn something about each other.

 

And, I can't lie, I cannot wait to look back next year at our old answers. I am weirdly sentimental like that and the idea of seeing how our answers will change over a 3 year period makes me excited!

 

Anyways, I know many people are in situations where they don't get to see their partner/spouse/significant other as much as they would like. I know many friends who have husbands/wives that are deployed, living apart because of work, on different schedules, or simply on the road a lot. If you are looking for a way to add a little more connection to a phone call/or a small slot of time, this journal might be the answer.

 

And sometimes... the question isn't even the point. Sometimes the point is that we get to laugh AT the question, or each other. :)

 

Your relationships are important, invest in them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Six Month Recap: On Becoming a Team

We recently celebrated our six month (married) anniversary. Well, not so much celebrated, more so acknowledged. I realize it's not a huge milestone, but what is amazing to me is how quickly the time has gone by. So, in honor of that, I wanted to (re)share a piece I wrote with Her View on here today!

On Becoming a Team

“And then we can take it back to your house.”

“You mean our house.”

 “We should go see my family.”
  “Yes, I would like to see our family, too.”

 “I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep paying this student loan payment…”

 “You don’t need to figure it out, we will figure it out and take care of it.”

I have officially been married for four months now. To be honest, it seems like years ago that we stood in front of our friends and family. But it was four months. Sixteen weeks. In terms of time, it’s been nothing!

 

And it’s also been everything.

The above is just a snippet of conversations that have happened in that short time period since we said “I do.” And you can recognize the obvious trend. Marriage is so many things, I’ve discovered. It’s comforting. It’s funny. It’s full of love. It’s daily effort. It’s joyful. It’s constant communication. And it’s becoming a team. I love the idea of us being a team. The first time I heard my husband make this proclamation, I felt a sense of peace and belonging. But it wasn’t until my husband was constantly correcting me that I realized… I’m playing this game but I’m not even letting myself be a part of the team. Our team.

Since the moment I graduated high school and hit the road, I have desperately wanted to be independent. I worked almost full time through college to pay my own rent. Buy my own groceries. Have fun with my friends on the weekends. Luckily, my parents were there to bail me out whenever a crisis struck. Typically in the form of me destroying whatever car I was driving. (Sorry Dad!) But I digress. I wanted to say I did it on my own. I hated asking my parents for money when I came up short. And it didn’t just apply to my checking account. I wanted to make the right decisions. I didn’t want to just survive on my own, I wanted to thrive. And I wanted to show everyone that I did it without help.

My oh my, old habits are hard to break.

Ten years later, I still swallow hard when I realize I can’t do something on my own. Even in the years directly prior to becoming a married women, I still had to ask for help from time to time. And it never got easier.

And now, here I am, apart of a new team. On this team, I am not alone. In fact, my husband reminds me regularly that “we are a team.” Sometimes this makes me laugh. But most of the time, it makes my heart explode with love.

For years, I had no idea how much stress I put on myself to do everything on my own. To try to stomach every hurt. Carry every burden. To please everyone with my decisions. To be there when I was needed. It wasn’t until I started to let myself sink into the comfort of “our team” that I realized, truly realized, why two are better than one.

And because of it, I have so much more love. Surrounding me, given to me, and that I can give.

I clearly can’t claim to be an expert on marriage. Time or experience certainly doesn’t allow. But I would like to say of this simple thing I have learned:

To those of you who are seeking your “teammate.”

All things aside, look for the one who always has your back.

 Look for the one who puts you first in every situation.

And finally, look for the one who will stand next to you and gently remind you (however many times it takes) that together, you two are the ultimate team.

These days, I get a lot of practice telling people how married life is going. Naturally, it’s the number one question I get asked in this period of our lives. And yes, while I want to discuss how amazing marriage has been, from now on, I think I’ll simply smile and say “I’m on my forever team.” And really, that says it all. 

**Article originally appeared HERE. 




Link Up here!

                                                                                                                                                                    

Mondays...

Hi everyone!

After scrolling all forms of social media, I know I am being repetitive when I say that Daylight Savings Time seriously is killing me today! But... really. I had to drag my body out of bed! Hoping I can get back on track tonight.

Anyways.

Married life. Random topic change, I know. But at this time in life, the question EVERYONE asks me is "how's married life?" And I appreciate the interest. But most of the time I say "Great!" or "Awesome!" Because, truly, it has been.

But for so many reasons. And I've already learned so much in 4 short months. So today, I'm sharing more on that topic. But not here. HERE!

Sweet & Modern packed up and is spending Monday with Her View From Home again ! Feel free to check it out here. And enjoy your Monday, sleep deprived and all. ;)