Ok guys, time to discuss an important current events issue…
Man tanks.
If you know me… you have a pretty good idea where this is
going.
I would like to take the time to preface this post with a
disclaimer so that no one leaves the blog in tears: I have a lot of male
friends who choose the man tank lifestyle. I do not always support them, but I
still love them. That is all.
I did a small amount of research on this topic, and it is
actually quite a debate on the world wide web. So, I am not alone in my opinions
and everyone is welcome to throw in their two cents as well. What I learned:
-Tank tops are much more popular for guys on the West coast
(this makes sense climatically)
-Tank tops are considered cool in mega hipster circles
-Tank tops look much better on attractive guys (so does everything…)
-Tank tops should not be worn by “skinny” guys
Alright, here we go. First of all, if you are wearing a tank
top, and also consider yourself to be a guy, then you should also probably
consider yourself to be a hipster. Most people, including myself, do not like
to be placed into categories. However, this is unavoidable. They go together.
They are one in the same. Deal with this and move on.
Now, before I hear any whiny outcries, I will make an
adjustment to that statement. The TYPE of tank top you are wearing is very
important in the classification of the look you are going for. I have provided
several visual elements to help us along the way.
Exhibit A: Ryan Gosling. The truth is, he can do whatever he
wants and it's going to look good. However, for the purpose of this blog….what
is he doing here? He is clearly warm, and probably in California. I appreciate
his arms, as should everyone. The tank top isn’t too tight, so he doesn’t
necessarily look like he is trying to be the opposite sex, either. But, lets stay on topic. He is still wearing
a tank top. And its striped as well. If I were to be hanging out with Ryan in
this outfit, I could definitely see through his shirt. I am also going to be
seeing his armpits a lot. Why not just take your shirt off, Ryan? Ditch the
tank top. For the sake of Exhibit A, this is the Californian Guy Tank Top
wearer.
Exhibit B: Zac Efron. Ok, this is what I would call Mega
Hipster Tank Top wearer. Faded graphic accompanied by text on the front of the
tank top, accompanied by hat and toned arms? Yep, hello mega hipster. I don't have much to say about this. Except, no.
Exhibit C: Nerdy Tank Top wearer. This is not ok. I am not
condoning the above tank top wearers, but this certainly isn’t fine with
anyone, right? There is really nothing manly about this guy, and certainly
nothing that makes me wish I could see that much of his arms. Sir, please find
a jacket. Immediately. Better yet, a sweatshirt. I don't want to see the top of the tank top.
Exhibit D: Man/Woman Tank Top wearer. WHAT IS THIS. For
those of you who watched Emily Maynard’s season of the Bachelorette, remember
the episode when Ryan (the fitness trainer dude) was wearing a tank top similar
to this one? I remember nothing about that date except wishing he would burn
that tank top. This is not ok. Ever.
Exhibit E: Wife Beater Tank Top wearer. Ok, I don’t know who
this guy is. In literally ANYTHING else, I would not be criticizing him. But…
why. Come on. This is obviously a black wife beater, there is no other way to
classify it. Its way, WAY too tight for a guy to be wearing. Unless this is some kind of scuba diving outfit, please take this off!
That was exhausting. But I am not done. I cannot address
this issue without addressing another concern of mine.
V NECKS.
For the purpose of this, I am going to use Sean Lowe.
Because… he is my favorite. He is a violator of the V neck law that I have in
place in my mind, but I love him still. I will use pics to demonstrate:
Too much.
Ok.
No Sean, no!
Out of control.
Ok, hopefully my point has been made. The bottom line is, something about a tank top seems...feminine to me. That being said, some guys are just manly and hot enough to pull it off. I still don't approve. Guys...try to limit tank top wearing to beaches, boats, and activities involving sand.
And...that is all.
