Attention: Man Tank Wearers

Ok guys,  time to discuss an important current events issue…

Man tanks.

If you know me… you have a pretty good idea where this is going.

I would like to take the time to preface this post with a disclaimer so that no one leaves the blog in tears: I have a lot of male friends who choose the man tank lifestyle. I do not always support them, but I still love them. That is all.

I did a small amount of research on this topic, and it is actually quite a debate on the world wide web. So, I am not alone in my opinions and everyone is welcome to throw in their two cents as well. What I learned:

-Tank tops are much more popular for guys on the West coast (this makes sense climatically)

-Tank tops are considered cool in mega hipster circles

-Tank tops look much better on  attractive guys (so does everything…)

-Tank tops should not be worn by “skinny” guys

Alright, here we go. First of all, if you are wearing a tank top, and also consider yourself to be a guy, then you should also probably consider yourself to be a hipster. Most people, including myself, do not like to be placed into categories. However, this is unavoidable. They go together. They are one in the same. Deal with this and move on. 

Now, before I hear any whiny outcries, I will make an adjustment to that statement. The TYPE of tank top you are wearing is very important in the classification of the look you are going for. I have provided several visual elements to help us along the way.

Exhibit A: Ryan Gosling. The truth is, he can do whatever he wants and it's going to look good. However, for the purpose of this blog….what is he doing here? He is clearly warm, and probably in California. I appreciate his arms, as should everyone. The tank top isn’t too tight, so he doesn’t necessarily look like he is trying to be the opposite sex, either.  But, lets stay on topic. He is still wearing a tank top. And its striped as well. If I were to be hanging out with Ryan in this outfit, I could definitely see through his shirt. I am also going to be seeing his armpits a lot. Why not just take your shirt off, Ryan? Ditch the tank top. For the sake of Exhibit A, this is the Californian Guy Tank Top wearer.

Exhibit B: Zac Efron. Ok, this is what I would call Mega Hipster Tank Top wearer. Faded graphic accompanied by text on the front of the tank top, accompanied by hat and toned arms? Yep, hello mega hipster. I don't have much to say about this. Except, no. 

Exhibit C: Nerdy Tank Top wearer. This is not ok. I am not condoning the above tank top wearers, but this certainly isn’t fine with anyone, right? There is really nothing manly about this guy, and certainly nothing that makes me wish I could see that much of his arms. Sir, please find a jacket. Immediately. Better yet, a sweatshirt. I don't want to see the top of the tank top. 

Exhibit D: Man/Woman Tank Top wearer. WHAT IS THIS. For those of you who watched Emily Maynard’s season of the Bachelorette, remember the episode when Ryan (the fitness trainer dude) was wearing a tank top similar to this one? I remember nothing about that date except wishing he would burn that tank top. This is not ok. Ever.

Exhibit E: Wife Beater Tank Top wearer. Ok, I don’t know who this guy is. In literally ANYTHING else, I would not be criticizing him. But… why. Come on. This is obviously a black wife beater, there is no other way to classify it. Its way, WAY too tight for a guy to be wearing. Unless this is some kind of scuba diving outfit, please take this off!

That was exhausting. But I am not done. I cannot address this issue without addressing another concern of mine. 

V NECKS.

For the purpose of this, I am going to use Sean Lowe. Because… he is my favorite. He is a violator of the V neck law that I have in place in my mind, but I love him still. I will use pics to demonstrate:

Too much. 

Ok. 

No Sean, no!

Out of control. 

Ok, hopefully my point has been made. The bottom line is, something about a tank top seems...feminine to me. That being said, some guys are just manly and hot enough to pull it off. I still don't approve. Guys...try to limit tank top wearing to beaches, boats, and activities involving sand. 

And...that is all.